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EXCLUSIVE COMMENTARY
AND THE NOMINEES ARE. . .
by Gary L. Coffman
It seems incumbent upon the President at intervals to
bestow the Medal of Freedom upon the worthy and those whose silence needs to
be bought. Who nominates these nominees? Have you ever been asked for input?
Well, don’t feel neglected; neither have I. So, in the spirit of American
individualism intended by our Founding Fathers, I assert myself, and urge
you to do the same, and nominate deserving individuals, such as those
following, and the reasons for according them the honor, based on past
apparent qualifications (or lack thereof). The fact they may have received a
previous award does not disqualify them from receiving a new award any more
than the fact they didn’t deserve the prior distinction. Sequence of listing
is no indication of preference. Want to know how your vote measured up? Just
fill in the bubble “Yes/No” and compare your results to what happens in the
next few days/weeks/months/years (Oh, God!).
1. (Yes) / (No): Condoleezza Rice for “Buying American” at an
Italian “high end” footwear store in NYC, as Louisiana was about to be hit
by the most significant American natural catastrophe in this century
(possibly the last).
2. (Yes) / (No): FEMA Director, Michael Brown for doing to Louisiana
what Al-Qaida couldn’t do itself. As Mr. B. put it, “Brownie, you’re doing a
heck of job!” In appreciation, “Brownie” felt it more important to have a
stiff Margarita and be with his family before dealing with future crisis
plans the next morning. So much for family values.
3. (Yes) / (No): Michael Chertoff for emasculating FEMA as part of
Homeland Security and nudging Brown (and New Orleans) toward early
retirement, while fending off his own.
4. (Yes) / (No): Dr. Ben Marble, who urged Vice President Cheney to,
“Go f… yourself, Mr. Cheney.” Marble is an excellent diagnostician.
5. (Yes) / (No): California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, who
declared, “Gay marriage should only be between a man and a woman.” Arnold is
no “girly man.”
6. (Yes) / (No): Paris Hilton who demonstrated the value of Paris
Hilton. Vive la Prague!
7. (Yes) / (No): George Herbert Bush for being the father of George
W. Bush. The Criminal Statute of Limitations ran out on this one.
8. (Yes) / (No): Cindy Sheehan for loving her son.
9. (Yes) / (No): Donald Rumsfeld for initiating a war without a plan,
conducting a war without a plan, and ending a war without a plan. Probably
retiring without a plan.
10. (Yes) / (No): John Roberts for maintaining his composure as
Republican leaders publicly tutored him in the art of being
devious, if he really wanted to become Chief Justice of the
Supreme Court.
Remember: Every vote counts, so vote early, and often. You don’t even have
to be living!
Gary L. Coffman is a writer, poet, and retired English teacher.
GARY L. COFFMAN ARCHIVE:
SURPRISE, SURPRISE:
Roberts Rules of Order Revealed
Throw The Bastards
Out!
Mein Chumpf: A
presidential prayer diary
And the Nominees Are. . .
Karl Who?
Ray Bradbury Saw it All Coming
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