by RIP RENSE
and the Other
(Jan. 20, 2004)
THIS: About a dozen protesters
began chanting toward the end of "President" Bush's amazingly bland and empty
coronation address, in which he essentially repeated the words "freedom" and
"free" as often as possible.
THAT: The protesters were
promptly hustled away by police.
Bush reportedly wrote 14 drafts of his coronation address.
"President" Bush rejected the Andy Card/Karl Rove/Condy Rice/Dick Cheney draft
THE OTHER: On the other hand,
given how trite and lackluster it was, maybe Bush did write the thing.
THIS: "Free societies are
hopeful societies. And free societies will be allies against these hateful few who have no
conscience, who kill at the whim of a hat." --George W. Bush, Sept. 17, 2004.
THAT: Or the drop of a wink.
THE OTHER: Don't count your
kitchens before they snatch.
THIS: At the coronation,
"President" Bush swore to preserve, protect, and defend the constitution of
THAT: Which country is that?
THIS: Condo Rice told the
Senate confirmation hearings that the tsunami provided a "wonderful opportunity"
for the U.S. to show compassion.
THAT: Just as Hitler once
provided a wonderful opportunity for the world to show compassion to Jews.
THE OTHER: And the atomic bomb
provided a wonderful opportunity for the U.S. to show compassion to post-war Japan.
THIS: Want to see who runs the
THAT: Click here.
THE OTHER: And you thought it
was "the people."
THIS: Queen Condo told the
Senate confirmation hearing that the U.S. response to tsumani victims has "paid great
dividends for us."
THAT: Spoken like an ex-oil
THIS: The U.S. military
recently rejected a plan by the Air Force Research Laboratory to use chemical agents to
turn enemy soldiers into homosexuals.
THAT: Talk about friendly
THE OTHER: After capture, they
would be tortured by being made to shop at Ross Dress for Less.
THIS: The plan---this is real,
folks---was to spend $7.5 million to develop an aphrodisiac that would suddenly cause
enemy troops to become amorous with one another.
THAT: Blow-back could be a
problem (so to speak.)
THE OTHER: Make love, not war.
THIS: At the hearings
confirming Queen Condo as Secretary of State, Sen. Barbara Boxer noted that pretty much
everything Condo has ever said about Iraq and the so-called "war on terror" has
turned out to be false---from WMD to the insane and cunning warning of a "mushroom
THAT: Queen Condo, in typical
style of imperious Bush administrators, reacted with hostility, warning Boxer not to
"impugn my integrity."
THE OTHER: What integrity?
THIS: Condo is the little lady
who dismissed the pre-9/11 CIA presidential daily briefing headed "Bin Laden
Determined to Attack Within United States" as "historical information.".
THAT: With integrity like
this, who needs deceit?
THIS: NBC "reporter"
Andrea Bitch---er, Mitchell, aka Mrs. Alan Greenspan---asked this question of Sen. Barbara
Boxer minutes before the inauguration: "How long are you going to hold up the (Rice)
THAT: With reporters like
these, who needs Rush Limbaugh?
THE OTHER: Boxer calmly
explained that she has a duty to ask any nominee questions, especially (paraphrasing) one
who has helped send the country to war under false pretenses.
THIS: That dedicated
investigative reporter Barbara Walters told Peter Jennings that she had learned that Bush
was wearing his father's cufflinks at the coronation---and that he had only worn them four
THAT: Surprisingly, Walters
had no information about Bush's underpants.
THIS: Queen Condo to the
Senate confirmation hearing: "We are building a candid, cooperative and constructive
relationship with China that embraces our common interests but still recognizes our
considerable differences about values."
THAT: Translation: we will
continue to outsource our work force to death and enrich China's economy while publically
scolding those godless commie bastards for the sake of placating the glazed-brain
THE OTHER: "Candid,
cooperative, and constructive. . .common. . .considerable. . ." Nice alliteration,
Condo. After you leave public service, you could have a career writing press releases.
THIS: Toyota developed a
special "inauguration edition" of the Tundra truck---with "salsa-red"
pearl exterior and seats embossed with a "W" emblem in honor of
"President" Bush. The truck was a door prize at the Texas State Society's
"Black Tie and Boots" inaugural gala.
THAT: Perfect for a truculent
THE OTHER: What a wonderful
opportunity to show compassion to tsumani victims.
THIS: The Air Force Research
Laboratory also considered a means of creating "severe and lasting halitosis" in
enemy soldiers, in order to literally sniff them out.
THAT: This could have undercut
the effects of the homosexual aphrodisiac.
THE OTHER: We could not make
this stuff up.
THIS: NBC "reporter"
Andrea Bitch---er, Mitchell---patronizingly told Sen. Barak Obama that he had spoken
"eloquently" about bipartisanship, then asked if his questioning of Queen Condo
makes him "concerned about sending the wrong message."
THAT: Talk about "severe
and lasting halitosis."
THE OTHER: Mitchell's
questions were a hair's breadth away from "don't you think you are helping the
"Vice-President" Dick Cheney was sworn in, ABC had a quick reaction shot of
THAT: Picking his nose.
THE OTHER: Hail to the chief.
THIS: Jennings told ABC
"reporter" Claire Shipman that he understands that Laura Bush is "a strong
woman---much stronger than people think."
THAT: Shipman replied in a
stout, resolute tone: "MUCH stronger, Peter!"
THE OTHER: Now that's
journalism. No wonder they pay these people millions.
THIS: To protect
"President" Bush at his $40 million coronation, Army Avenger missile systems, a
Humvee-mounted version of the Stinger anti-aircraft missile, were deployed at several
locations in the Washington, D.C. area. Military and security agencies also deployed F-16,
F-15 and support aircraft and radar and communications systems.
THAT: This is what the White
House calls a "celebration of democracy."
THIS: There are many words in
other languages for concepts that might not be succinctly expressed in English.
THAT: There is a word in
Japanese, for example, tatemae (tah-tay-mye), which roughly means "the reality that
everyone professes to be true, even though they may not privately believe it."
THE OTHER: I knew there was a
perfect word for Bush administration policy.
THIS: Ten former Enron
directors must cough up $13 million to settle the big class action suit brought by broke
former employees of the defamed corporation so closely involved with Bush policy (and his
largest 2000 campaign contributor.)
THAT: Of 18 former directors,
only ten have to pay. These same ten sold Enron shares worth more than $250 million during
the period Enron was "misreporting" (read: lying) its finances. They will wind
up keeping 90 percent of these earnings---$117 million.
THE OTHER: ""We have
a duty to every worker, shareholder and investor in America to punish the guilty, to close
loopholes and protect employee pensions, and we will,"---George W. Bush.
THE OTHER OTHER: Just round up
those execs and turn them over to the Air Force Research Laboratory.
THIS: Arnold Schwarzenegger,
an actor of feeble ability who buffaloed a lot of empty-headed jackasses into electing him
governor of California, campaigned partly on the basis of pledging to "expand the
dream of college."
THAT: He has since suspended
K-12 school funding, proposed suspending the promise that every high school grad be
guaranteed a place in a CSU or UC.
THE OTHER: Only girlie men go
"Vice-President" Dick Cheney personally requested Attorney General John
Ashcroft's odious "Let the Eagle Soar" be sung at the coronation.
THAT: Should have picked
"Me and My Shadow."
THIS: Hillary Clinton was seen
bobbing along merrily.
THAT: That alone should
disqualify her from office.
THIS: Jimmy Carter graciously
attended the coronation of the man who represents just about everything he opposes.
THAT: It was good to see
Carter so close to the oval office again.
THE OTHER: Not close enough.
THIS: Artist Don Van Vliet,
who once terrorized the popular music world as Captain Beefheart, quietly turned 64 the
other day in his oceanside Northern California home.
THAT: Or as he would say,
"sixty-four years OUT."
THE OTHER: "It's all
matter, but it doesn't matter." ---DVV.
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