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Thanksgiving poem
Sit down to your plates of bird
Take those massive bites absurd
Shovel it deep into your gullets
"Second helping?" "No! Oh, well, let's!"
Heap the stuffing inches high
Got to swell those massive thighs
Eat and eat and eat and eat
Feed adipose and cellulite
Push that belly past your belt-line
Double that chin and puff that big hind
Chew that ham and beef and mutton
Split those seams and burst those buttons
Masticate those gravy giblets
Liver chunks and kidney niblets
Grind away at drumstick, breast
Put your enzymes to the test
Eat and eat and eat and eat
Of burned and stewed and seared dead meat
Chomp and grunt and gurgle and gulp
No Alka-Seltzer relief can help
Fill your cheeks and swill Chablis
("It was so cheap, it's almost free!")
Yack and yack then take a snooze
On Grandma's couch, to process booze
Reunite your feuding relatives
Hope the food will act as palliatives
Tell your bro-in-law to pack
Sneer at Sis behind her back
Tell Ma-in-law a vulgar joke
While wishing her on yam to choke
Kiss wifey-poo on plumping cheek
While down friend's blouse you sneak a peek
And if your guts begin to rumble
Into the bathroom you may stumble
To make more room for pie of pumpkin
As only a hefty, hearty dump can!
It's Thanksglutton, er, giving
Time to exalt eating, er, living
A time to show appreciation
For all the stuff in this great nation
And what better way is there to do it
Than build upon American suet?
                          ---Rip Rense

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2007 Rip Rense. All rights reserved.