KARL THE RATFUCKER
(Editor's note: The Rip Post, with apologies, suspends its anti-profanity policy for this July 4th holiday, strictly in the interests of patriotism.)
June 29, 2005

          Karl Rove, you old Ratfucker, you.
          Hey, it’s not my term---it’s what convicted Watergate conspirator Donald Segretti’s team of Nixon dirty tricksters proudly called themselves. And Karl Christian (yes, that’s his real middle name) Rove was one of them, of course.
          A “Ratfucker.”
          One of Karl’s early marks, as reported in The Nation, was to steal letterhead from Illinois Democrat Alan Dixon, then use it print campaign fliers promising “free beer, free food, girls and a good time for nothing,” which he distributed at rock concerts and homeless shelters. This was his sophisticated idea of sabotaging an opponent. You can just read the Ratfucker mind. “A good time for nothing---yeah, that'll play---that’s what all those filthy, depraved hippies want!”
          This is really the only thing you need to know about Rove, who is “President” Bush’s closest Ratfucker, er, advisor.
          Once a Ratfucker, always a Ratfucker.
          For that matter, it’s probably all you need to know about “President” Bush.

           But let’s pretend for a moment that Karl is not a Ratfucker. Let’s pretend, just for fun, in the spirit of patriotism on this July 4th week, that Karl is a sincere and responsible leader of our nation, and examine his recent claim:
          "Conservatives saw the savagery of 9/11 and the attacks and prepared for war," he said. "Liberals saw the savagery of the 9/11 attacks and wanted to prepare indictments and offer therapy and understanding for our attackers."
          Yes, it’s hard to imagine an adult advisor to the “president” making such a pompous, idiotic, snide statement, but then, it’s hard to imagine Michael Jackson. Rove really might as well have stood up and said, “Uh! Uh! Ooga! Booga! Uh! Uh! I have testicles!”
          But let’s pretend again, difficult as it may be, that this remark was sincere and substantial. . .
          First, Rove's remark asserts that “liberals” were not united in purpose with “conservatives.” I wonder, then, just how he explains almost every member of Congress authorizing Bush to use military action in finding and punishing 9/11 perpetrators? Hm?
          As I clearly recall, the nation was dramatically united after 9/11. There was a single-mindedness of purpose: find out who did this, and do whatever it takes to return the favor. Including war. I certainly felt this way. The civilized world did, as well.
          Rove says this was not the case. Which leaves two choices: either he is blind, deaf, and dumb, or he is ratfucking.
          I'll go out on a limb and vote for the latter.
          When in danger of being outdone by the truth, you see, in the Rove world, you  exploit hatred. So Karl preened his whiskers, wiggled his tail, and laid on the junior high school Ann Coulter sneering, averring that liberals offered “therapy and understanding” for “our attackers.”
          Um. . .just who were these liberals?
          Do you remember anyone calling for “therapy” for the 9/11 hijackers, let alone masses of “liberals?”
          Hypnotherapy? Aromatherapy? Primal Scream? I don’t. Rove later claimed to be referring principally to MoveOn.org, which did counsel “restraint” and “moderation” after 9/11. Well, actually, MoveOn didn’t, but its founder, Eli Pariser did---on his own website. Small error, Karl.

         Let's examine this.
         Retraint? Yes, meaning careful investigation and prosecution. Meaning no kneejerk massive military action aimed at the wrong party. No invasion and occupation of Iraq at the cost of several hundred billion taxpayer dollars (a lot of it skimmed by corporations, or unaccounted for), nearly 2,000 U.S. troops killed, somewhere around 20,000 wounded, up to 100,000 innocent Iraqis dead, and a country left in bloody mayhem.
          Restraint? Gee, not a bad idea, Eli.
          Given that the polls are now going Vietnam, late ‘60s---showing that even the most uninformed, undiscerning, Limbought citizens are none too comfortable with Iraq---yes, it seems Pariser was on to something with such dangerous “liberal” concepts as “restraint.”
          The poll numbers, of course, are exactly why Karl made his ratty remarks. And why President Dick “Vice-President” Cheney lumbered out of his lair to declare the Iraq insurgency in its last throes---only to be immediately contradicted by Gen. John Abizaid, who happens to be, um, in charge of U.S. forces in Iraq. And it's also why Uncle Donald Rumsfeld appeared on every major network outside of Al-Jazeera, condemning the naughty, naughty media for not covering the “good news” in Iraq. (Memo to Don: perhaps newspapers should write about all the people in the country who are not murdered, raped, or killed in car accidents each day.)
          It’s damage control, that's all. An apt term for those who have inflicted such massive damage.
          And as for Pariser's call for “indictments,” well, I wouldn’t mind some indictments of terrorists! Indict them, try them, and if found guilty, execute them. Easier than putting them up indefinitely in Guantanamo, or having the CIA kidnap and export them to Egypt for torture.
          Speaking of torture, let’s look at what Rove does to the lovely word, “understanding.” Why, he makes it appear unsavory, lily-livered, as if it is something that suggests spinelessness and mollycoddling. (Perhaps he should turn in his middle name.) Yes, those filthy liberal commiebastards, he says, were promoting (gasp) "understanding."
          Gawd save us from understanding!
          The last thing Rove wants, of course, is to foster “understanding,” which is, after all, the opposite of Ratfucking. Understanding leads to. . .cooperation. . .which leads to. . .peace. With peace, there can be no more fun with the military, no more plundering nations for oil, no more endless wars against legions of phantom enemies, no more pseudo-Christian crusade.
          No fun for Ratfuckers at all.
          Understanding? By Rove’s reckoning, the historian David McCullough is a wimpy lefty, if not a traitor. For I distinctly recall McCullough saying, right after 9/11, that it is important to understand just what generated such hatred of the United States as to result in meticulously planned suicide attacks. McCullough’s thinking: if you can understand the hatred, you will better understand the threat, and if you better understand the threat, you are better able to protect the country in the future.
          Dangerous liberal concept!

          Finally, Karl the Ratfucker claimed that “conservatives” prepared for war after 9/11. But did they? The extremist Neocons, who are the dominant conservatives of the day, had been pushing for war with Iraq since the day Bush was elected in 2000, even for several years before that---dating to the original Neocon lobbying of Bush 1 to invade Iraq and remove Saddam Hussein. (Bush 1 was smart enough to avoid that quagmire.)
          The core Neocons, which include Rove, persisted (they do that so well), drafting the Project for a New American Century document in the late ‘90s, which became the blueprint for Bush (Cheney) Administration policy: seizure of Iraq, permanent occupation of the Middle East, acquisition of oil---all in the name of indefinitely fighting “terrorism.” Don’t believe it's permanent? There are three massive permanent U.S. military bases under construction in Iraq, coincidentally located right near. . .major oil centers!
          So the Iraq war planning was in the works long before 9/11.Conservatives, in other words, were preparing for war long, long before Rove claimed. Which he knew, because he was one of them!
          But again, just for fun, let’s say Rove was telling the truth, and conservatives “prepared for war” after 9/11. Well,then, gee whiz, they made a little mistake. . .
          They um, went after the wrong guys.
          The U.S. didn’t launch an attack against the perpetrators of 9/11. “We” invaded Afghanistan to dethrone the Taliban, which was a little like going to war against extras in a Three Stooges Casbah movie. And Osama Bin-Laden---a Saudi who was trained and armed by the U.S.---still lives, still plots. In fact, according to investigative reporter Seymour Hersh, he was allowed to escape through Pakistan so as not to rile up the conservative Muslim element of that country too much.
          Of course, most of the 9/11 hijackers were also Saudis, and punishing Saudi Arabia is practically like punishing ourselves, given the massive financial and political ties to Washington, the Carlyle Group, the Bush family. The Saudis, of course, are actually bankrolling our bankrupt economy---along with South Korea, Japan, and our good friiend (urp), China.
          So “we” used 9/11 as an excuse to implement one of the greatest Ratfucks ever---invading and occupying Iraq, a country that had nothing to do with the crime. A country that posed no military threat whatsoever to the U.S.. A country that was massively bombed by the U.S. for many months before the actual invasion, in an unsuccessful effort to bait Saddam into battle (forgot that one, did you?) A country for which evidence was flagrantly, amateurishly “fixed” in order to justify the invasion. The so-called Downing Street Memo proves these things beyond a doubt (although they were reported widely by European press and “liberal” western press when they happened.)
          Of course, the corporate-owned, Bush-cowed U.S. media are still dragging their feet on the Downing story. Perhaps the recent anti-Iraq polls will embolden some of the last newspapers with any semblance of integrity to start concertedly covering this scandal.     
          It’s only the largest in American history, that’s all.
          Meanwhile, Karl the Ratfucker, nervous like the rest of the Bush administration that the truth will out, is back on the stump, trying to whip up hatred for all those evil, touchy-feely “liberals.”
          That’s the Ratfucker formula: inspire hatred of people who do not think as you do.
          Come to think of it, that’s also the Bin-Laden formula.
          Great Ratfuckers think alike.
          Happy 4th.

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